What's up guys. This is Wenzes,
welcome back to my channel, where we talk about personal development, of INFJs and how to create an
Epic life on your terms today, we're talking about INFJ survival skills. And if you are an INFJ you know, that these survival skills are amazing
because we have been in situations where we say, okay, others would
have cracked under this pressure.
Others would have never
been able to make it, but we have to consider the fact that
we put ourselves in that situation as well. So there are such great
qualities to our survival skills. And once we understand what they
are, we can then find a way to say, how am I going to use those exact
skills to thrive and not just to survive? And this is so
much easier said than done, because we've all been there. We all
want to thrive. There's nobody who says, okay, I love just barely make it by. And I'm not just talking about
making it by as in, you know, financially or being able to provide
for your livelihood or whatever it is. I'm talking about barely
making it by in how happy you are, what grade of a life you
can create for yourself. So many of us are just scratching on
the surface of how great of a life we can experience.
I almost have what I wanted. I just have to do this one more
thing. And there is a logic behind it. And once we understand how it functions, we can transform all of that. Just remove those parts that are not
working and use those amazing skills to thrive. Like never before, before we get started out and remind you
that the bootcamp launches on Saturday, February 27th, it will be
the first boot camp of 2021. So come join us. You'll find the link
to the bootcamp page in the description. I've spent so much time
analyzing our survival skills. This probably one of the first things
I started looking into when I began my INFJ Epic life journey, because I knew
that there is so much strength in it. I knew that I could take so
much. And I said to myself, I have to find a way to
transform this power. So it's not just about
keeping my head above water.
It can't be all about that. But
why is that? Well, on the one hand, we do have these amazing skills
and what do I mean with the skills, but these skills. I mean that we can hold on to a vision
that is different than a reality. We can hold onto something. Although we don't have the reality
mirroring back to us that it has already happened. And this is such an amazing quality
because it will help us to overcome bullies. It will help us to overcome circumstances
that are not in our advantage.
And this is what is necessary. If we want to continue on a path to
an Epic life. But on the other hand, why is it then? So often that we get into situations
where we do feel like our life is intense, but it's painfully intense.
It's like, I'm doing all I can. And nobody understands me no
matter who I want to be in my life. That person never wants
to. If I want that job, the people there don't
recognize I can offer. And so you get into this
vicious cycle where yes, you feel you're using all those skills.
You feel that you have the power, but all you can do with that
power is just barely survive.
The reason why we use it to
survival is because we have a threshold of how well we allow
ourselves to feel. We all have that. It's a default state, it's a
comfort zone and a comfort zone. Doesn't have to be something that
is, you know, amazing a comfort zone. It's just something that we're used to. If you have been brought up in a household
where there was a lot of yelling, you'll probably feel comfortable there. You won't feel comfortable in an
environment where it's peaceful, where everything is great
and where you get to relax.
If you have been continuously
rejected as a child, for example, you will automatically seek people
in your life who also reject you. You start liking people who by
default don't want to be around you. That's a given. And then
you tell yourself, well, but I can't just back down from
what I want. When in the end, you're not even asking for the bare
minimum. And this goes to jobs. This goes to relationships. There's so
many aspects to this. So for example, you say, well, I need somebody who's cool. Or I need somebody who is in this seat, but you're not even thinking about having
somebody in your life who is mentally stable, who has a growth mindset, who wants to grow with you and who you
can be yourself around somebody that you don't have to coach somebody
that you don't have to inspire, but somebody who wants to be your partner. So many of these things
are holding us back. And they're the reason why we have this
upper limit upper limit that keeps us comfortable wherever we are
And so you might ask, okay, but how does this apply to
be in an INFJ? I'll tell you, I have a couple of friends who
are ESTPs or ISTPs so types with a really strong sense of
extraverted sensing for them. Very often you'll find that they
also feel like they have to give more than anybody else in that regard.
So my ISTP friend, for example, she is able to withstand
any kind of weather. She is able to work late night shifts. So everything that is physically draining, she feels like she has to take on
because she knows that she has strong skills in this and that she has to
prove her worth mainly to herself by going the extra mile.
It isn't okay
that everybody else says, okay, I'm not gonna stand in this weather for
more than two hours. And she says, well, I have to be able to withstand five
hours. You'll see this with INFJs too. All your survival skills,
everything you have to endure, you have to endure because you, feel like
you can take so much more than others. So with the SE types, it might
be physical strength for us. INFJs it's this discrepancy,
it's our vision. It's NI introvert intuition.
So let me explain this. Introverted intuition helps
us to build a reality, a dreamworld outside of what
is happening in the real world. That is if by default
introvert, intuition, isn't
us planning for the future, introverted intuition, isn't
us understanding others, and then creating an image around it.
These are all things we can
do with introverted intuition, but mainly it's a parallel reality
outside of what's going on. So we have an image of,
this is what I feel like. This is how I create my world and it
doesn't have to be reflected back. We have that skill and that's a skill
that we are INFJs half so strongly in comparison to others. When other types are much more
likely to be influenced by their reality. So how do we prove to
ourselves over and over again, that we're good people that we got, what it takes that we are worth loving
or whatever it is that we human beings think we have to have in our life that
we have to get from other people it's so unfair and unkind to talk
to ourselves like, okay, you should be able to go through life
all by yourself.
You don't need anybody. You don't need other people's
approval. Yeah. On some level, we want to get to a point where we give
ourselves the biggest approval ever. We want to be at a place where we
are the lead character of our movie, but we also have to take under
consideration that we have been living for decades in an environment
with a mindset that wasn't beneficial to our greatest
happiness. It's not our fault, but now when we take control of it, we
need to be okay with where we're at. We need to be kind with ourselves,
not be a bullying towards ourselves, and then start small.
So why am I saying this? I'm saying this because we
can only be kind to ourselves.
If we also recognize where
our shortcomings are, and I'm not talking about shortcomings, why you aren't good
enough for other people, I'm saying shortcomings towards ourselves, in what areas we're not
being our best friend. So if we still have to prove to
ourselves that we're good enough, we gonna go the extra mile and we will
go at an areas where we are by the fault, better than others.
I think it's easier if I have
this comparison with the SE types, the SE types are stronger than most types. So they feel like they have to do more. They have to endure more than
others because through that, they prove their superiority. And only
if they're superior and something, they will be loved. You know,
I'm talking extremes here. I'm not saying every SE type is like that. I'm saying from a human standpoint
where we're not perfect when we subconsciously seek out approval,
love, just acceptance altogether.
This happens. If we're not careful
for us, it plays out. In our end, we have to withstand more discrepancy
between reality and what we want. We have to go for relationships that
are even more difficult to realize. I mean, how many INFJs have I met that
have had situations where they had relationships overseas, where there
was like really long distance, where there were so many things
that were playing against them, where the relationship was
based on just a short situation. I have experienced this myself and I
have talked to so many on, INFJs as well. And I have not only seen
this in relationships. I
have seen this with parents. I've seen this with job
situations where you say, okay, I just have to push through. I have to be able to maintain
this image of I'm good. Although my reality tells me over and
over again, this is not the place for you.
If you have a person in your life and
you're interested in that person and that person continuously tells you, I'm
not interested, I'm not interested. And so on. We hold on, we hold on
because we have to prove to ourselves, my intuition is stronger than this. My
intuition tells me there is a connection. We had a connection. I'm going
to hold on to that truth. And we're not willing to let
And on top of that, we have proven to ourselves that
we are so much better than others. In that regard. Again,
this is a generalization. I'm not saying every INFJs is
better at this than any other type, but in general, we can hold on to a vision much longer
than the average person who isn't an INFJ. So, because you've proven
to yourself that you can do this. And because you've proven to yourself
that in so many cases you were right, you go over for you stay in situations
that aren't healthy for you. How an ESTP for example, might stay up for days on end
because they feel like, okay, I have to prove to myself that,
you know, I'm strong enough. I'm able to survive. That makes me something special that
proves to the outside world that I'm worthy. So it all comes
back to self-worth. So how do we as INFJs used this
information to our benefit? So we know the skill, we also know
how to apply it to our benefit, which is we called onto a vision.
Although reality doesn't show us
yet that this is what is going to happen. We hold on to that. And
because of that reality changes, a good example is for example, me
with this channel, when I started, nobody understood this. The
entire community was really small. Everybody was all about okay, for me,
you know? And I come in and I'm like, okay, we're gonna have an empowered
community here. We're gonna be, INFJ warriors. We gonna change the
entire course of this community. And we're gonna make this an Epic ride. My friends didn't understand
what I was talking about. The people at my work were making fun
of me if I was telling them that I remember like telling people,
Oh, look, I have this channel. And everything they
said was like, Oh, okay. I think you just were scratching your
face, or if you were sitting so weirdly.
So if there wasn't any positive
feedback that kept me going, but I knew I had this vision. And although
reality doesn't represent that yet. I know that I, as an INFJ
can hold on to the vision, despite reality showing
me anything different. And now I do get to live my dream life. Now I get to do this full-time I
don't have to work anymore. You know, I'm helping others, which is
my biggest passion in life. So it all worked out because
I used those survival skills.
But how was I able to turn those
survival skills into thriving skills? Because it's not just my business that
changed. It's also my relationships. My husband is completely different
than everybody that I was going for. When I was younger. When I was
going through my survival skills, I was looking for people who
could never give me what I wanted. They would have never been able to talk
to me in the ways that important to me. I thought they would, but the
reality was different, right? There was a discrepancy.
I had this vision of, Oh, there are these amazing people, but
whatever they showed me in real life, like how I always say externally
observable facts. It was, I don't understand you
were completely different. I will never be able to be
your partner at your side. So I turned everything in
my life around. Of course, I use the five pillars to
an Epic life. You know, you can download the poster to
get a first glimpse or, you know, join the bootcamp. But without
going into detail on this, the way I turned my survival skills
into thriving skills was to understand, I will use the fact that I have a
vision that is different than reality, but I will not allow my
default States to say the same.
And the way I do that is to
define what I want and to put action behind it. And the way I do that is that I
hold onto a vision without having something that I projected onto.
Meaning if I have this thing, okay, I need to make it work with that person. I need to make that person
understand what I'm about. You are always at the mercy
of another person. If you say, I have to prove to my boss
that I'm doing a good job. You're always at the mercy of what your
boss thinks of you. And so of course, you continuously going to
work and work and work, show up and have this vision in front
of you that you will at one day, feel worthy because your boss will think
you're worthy because that guy or that girl will think you're worthy. And you don't even understand
that you're doing this. I mean, we're smart people,
nobody of us, whatever, feel like if we knew this consciously
that we would go for this, this is happening on a subconscious
level, but that's why we talk about it.
So we recognize those patterns
because once you know this, you stop looking for that
particular person's opinion. You stop looking for
what your boss tells you. When you do is you say the following. I want somebody in my life who
shows me through their actions. So through reality that, you
know, they cherish the way I talk. They continuously choose me.
I want a boss, for example, who wants to see me win? And if
the boss that I'm at right now, doesn't show me that I'm not going to
pretend that at some point he or she will, because I have shown up even more.
I have put even more into my vision. And then at some point it miracle
works. We will stop this altogether. We don't have to prove
how strong our N I is, I used to understand my
friends on such a deep level. I used to know everything that my
best friend liked. Her music tastes, what things made her sad. Like I was so invested in that because
I was projecting all my vision of how I will feel through our relationship.
And this is what my best friend, just an example.
to my entire life. Now, I don't know that much because
I'm not going overboard with my, and I just like the extroverted sensing
type who doesn't need to stay up for four days in their role to prove to him
or herself that he or she is worthy. They know they're strong in this suit, but they're not going to do it to a point
where you're just wrecking yourself. You have a vision and you use the skills.
You have to thrive not to survive. So you cut out everything on
the outside that tells you, I'm not giving this to you. So you're
cutting out people who show you. I'm not interested. I'm not going to give
you the worst that you're looking for. If we continuously want that person to
give us this feeling of being worthy, we gonna continue that conversation.
We gonna continue that relationship.
But if we decide I am worthy
the way I am in all aspects of life, and I'm not going to go
out and prove that to anybody, you are going to choose different
steps. You going to decide, okay, what is the next thing I can do to
make myself feel better about myself? So I'm proud of myself. So no
matter what other people say, I don't care because I know
I'm doing so well for myself. This is where we want to get to. This is the vision we want
to prove to ourselves. And we do this by understanding that I'm
not going to change myself in order to get somebody else's acceptance.
not going to get that anyway. Right? I'm not going to get that because
you'll always have to give up parts of yourself. And we want to be
liked for who we really are. We want to have success through our
gifts and not by how we can show up. So others like us. So for example,
in this part of relationships, instead of saying, okay,
that person has to like me.
We decide I deserve somebody
who chooses me right away. And I'm going to continue to look until
I found that person who has that initial reaction towards me, that other stuff, I'm not going to even spend my time
on it, because I already know this. Isn't bringing me to where
I want. My vision is key. And if my reality doesn't reflect
that I will change my reality. I'm not gonna say, okay, I need you
to understand this. We don't care. We give ourselves this value. And then you turn all of those skills of
being able to hold onto that vision to a superpower, because then you're not just using
it to stay at your default state. You are not using it to prove
yourself worth to yourself. You're doing this because you can, and
you're doing this because it's fun.
And before you know it you've turned all
of those survival skills into the best thriving skills you can ever imagine.
Your vision is your super power. Don't use it to barely keep your
head above water. Remember guys, if you want to take the next
step, then join the bootcamp. It's a couple more days. We
don't have late submissions. So use this last chance. I'm
looking forward to seeing you there. And if you want to watch another video
now that is in alignment with today's topic, then what's the video on
INFJ Phoenix, rising from the ashes.
Like always guys. I wish you
a wonderful day, a great week. And I talk to you next time. Bye!.